My art sankyu!
Bigbang rocks!

On a totally unrelated not:
Sometimes I think we all try to grow p too fast that we’ve forgotten how to enjoy our childhood. or isit that we don’t have any?

and on another totally unrelated note:
A Skeptical Patriot and Reply

I know both of them. But that is not the point.
What do you all think? Who do you agree with more? Or do you think both is off the point? What do you young generations think? Do you think like them or you just can’t care less?

I shall refrain from giving any comments bout it yet.

Seriously!!! I don’t mind if you take the idea and the style, but wth? what’s with the same bullet style, that frying ladle and the laugh? Seriously?!
FYI, we got this brilliant idea from maxis’s and accenture ads, but we didn’t copy did we? at least we had some originality! =.=”
(ps: ooops, I just realised one of my friend is involved in it, but still that doesn’t change the fact)

now i know how it feels like to get yr stuff and copyright stolen.
My dear image contributors to the web images of www.icmnite.com Hero:WANTED 2011, I tried my best to credit all the images that i keep track on. Thing is, its a collab between my friend and I, and I save all the links and images that I used, not sure she did. U can find the credits under the word credit on the wooden table. Thankyou for all the lovely images, textures and all, I really appreciate it.

as for Mnight, it was stressful hell for the last few days, we ran into major huge problems, but thanks goodness we pulled it though. Thankyou so much to the seniors for all your help during our moment of crisis, to the juniors who has been an inspiration to us, and to all my lovely peers, and I’m so so sorry if I let you down with my god-awful timing of sounds effects (spoiled the perfect scene) and to the music team but everybody still loves Mnite and for that I’m glad. Even Shahrizat tweeted about our Mnite! So guys and girls, u all know how wonderful Imperial Mnite is, better come next year for an even better show!

Now, time to slave through for my humanities exams.

I wanna feel good and right, wanna be happy and positive. I don’t want this silly low self-esteem to drag me down and down again. I want to be really kind, and nice and caring enough again.

I used to smile and say hello, now I just stare blankly, cast my eyes down and keep silent.
I wanna be my old self, and yet still be street smart enough.
I don’t wanna be mean to anyone anymore, nor understand those unnecessary things.
I don’t want to feel anymore of these inferior feelings, nor any of these better than you feelings.
I just want to be carefree again, in a world that I feel no need to compete, no need to feel I am so behind people.
No need to strive so hard to try to motivate myself, no need to feel I have to work hard, but work hard because I like it, because I want to, because I enjoy the things I do.
Just to purely enjoy what I learn and what I do.

I want again to smile for no reason, to be happy for no reason
but just to be really happy and cheerful no matter what kind of day it is.
To smile at the sunshine and roll around the grasses.
To run around the padang pulling on kite strings.
To be kiddy kiddy and be my daddy’s little girl.
To hug my mum and cuddle and sleep on her lap.
To play “masak-masak” with my sisters.
and to smile like a child again.

Ah, it have been so long since I felt this childhood happiness. Really miss those times.

Something I believe we should bring it into our lives every now and then, to remind ourselves that happiness is all that matters.

Can you recall your childhood happiness?
Share with me

wasted my whole day today, sitting around
jumping here and there
doing pointless stuff
joining discussion but not contributing anything
I feel pointless
WORTHLESS

is this the aftermath feel of exams?

What in the world am I doing man?

anyway, on real updates:
Exams weeeeeeeeeeek was so so so horrible. I’ve no one to blame but myself! I never felt so terrified of exams before. The fear that squeeze your heart and make you tear. The fear that blinds your eyes and make you wish you never left home. I hope I’ll never ever neeeeed to experience that ever again.
And to ensure that, I need to put more consistent effort. Starting tmr, which is when my CDB module starts.
Gambatte yang yang!

I’m sorry but I’m feeling not so positive today, so FML!

I’m fine, it is just part of the ups and downs of life.
^^

12:05
going to die dee T_T
12:06
can’t finish studying
LieShien 12:11
oh no!
12:11
why not?P
12:16
tooo many things
12:16
toooo much information
12:16
head going to crack soon
LieShien 12:16
ahhhh
12:17
and not enough time
12:17
slack too much as well
LieShien 12:17
keep a steady pace
12:17
plan it so that you can study everything
12:17
i have a lot too
12:17

12:17
the plan never became reality
12:17
plan is three chapters a day
LieShien 12:17
mhaha
12:18
but max, i can only finish 2 chapters a day
12:18
cause i need to understand n write it down before i cn go on ><
ohhhhhh
12:19
thats troublesome
12:20
well, u do hv to understand right? or not what’s the point of studying?
LieShien 12:20
yeah i know
12:21
but its close to the exams already
12:21
and if still have to reci
12:21
revise with wrin
12:21
writing notes it will take long
12:21
but its better to understand more although less material
12:22
than understand less with more material
12:22
if you get what i mean
12:22
yes i know
12:22
especially when it’s come to writing essays
LieShien 12:22
lol
12:22
i hate essays
12:22
grrrrrrrr
12:22
my nemisis
12:22
but if any of the essay questions doesn’t happen to correlate to those u cover
12:22
then it’s GG
12:23
yeah, mine is half MCQ and half essays
12:23
MCQ at least u dun really need to understand n memorise well to answer
12:23
worse, my MCQ got -ve marking and multiple answers
LieShien 12:23
what???
12:23
-VE MARKING???
12:24
omg thats the worst
12:24
i got the worse of both worlds huh?
LieShien 12:24
i feel so sorry for you
12:24
jia you!
12:24
i only have MCQ and short note questions
12:25
i want that
12:25
i think i cn answer structure questions better
12:26
at least they gv u some clue
12:26
and u dun really need to memorise from head to toe
12:26
but no worries, i will survive! RAWR
12:26
my aim is no longer first, all i want to is to pass ><
LieShien 12:26
hahah
12:26
GAMBATTE
12:27
yepyep! u too! Gambatte!
LieShien 12:27
if anything, i'll yang ni yi bai zi
12:27
YESH
12:27
thankyouuuu <3
12:27
i feel glad i hv u my little cousin to yang wo yi bai zi if i fail
12:27
LOL
LieShien 12:27
hahaha
12:27
study!
12:28
hai! u too! jiayou!
LieShien 12:28
okay!

yangwoyibeizi = 养我一辈子
it's a promise yeah?!

But this time, I’m cursing the snow. How ironic.
Because of it, our flight to Dublin was canceled. We didn’t get to hv a short getaway holiday. And Lieshien couldn’t come down to London. And the skies were grey and gloomy, the floor slippery, transports problem and all. It was miserable. Although waking up in the morning to see the snow falling was really pretty, I have enough of canceled trips! Twice in a year man? Who would ever have that kind of bad luck in traveling?! And listening to all the holiday trips around Europe made me green with envy. I know mapa ain’t encouraging me to travel lots, but if I don’t take the chance to travel now, who knows when I will ever get the chance to again. Especially now when it’s cheaper to fly from UK.
SnowVideo

oh well, that’s life. *shrugs* let’s move on!
Getting on with days, celebrating Shari’s birthday, shopping for presents and studying, Making Irish Lamb Stew after failing to go to ireland, it’s finally time for Christmas.

I know it don’t looks great but it tastes totally -wait4it- AWESOME!

Thank goodness I still manage to head down to Cambridge! Am so happy that the kids still recognize me but woah! how much have Paul grown! Now his hair is much longer and he is no longer mumbling words in baby language but is such a chatterbox now! And gosh! his grasp of words and his vocabulary is really good for kids his age (going to be three soon). But he’s still chubby and cute and Lovable!

fell asleep on the living room couch the first night, the play room couch the second night, and finally where i was suppose to sleep – in dua gou’s room on the floor with sleeping for the last night. i didn’t mean to, but i was really tired, so i fell asleep on couches. But since I’ve sleep all this 3 places i can say for sure the living room couch is the most comfortable, although it might be because it was the first night and I was most tired.

Anyway, staying in cambridge, though I wake up really early in the morning, like around 7-8am, I sleep a lot. Like REALLY ALOT = 10-12 hours! It’s so scary the amount I’m sleeping! Although I do wake up in the middle of the night, around 3-4am (probably because of the 7-8hrs of sleep I usually have) to the colourful christmas tree alight in front of me in the dark, it was just toooo cold to step out of that warm edge i cushion into the sofa and that duvet, so I end up falling back to sleep. It’s terrible! but i can say I really have some good rest! It’s such a homely place, am so glad I have relatives over here!

The three kids are all so adorable, hope they love and like the presents. And I swear i’ll visit them more often in the coming year of 2011. I do want to be around while they are growing up, especially now since I’m so near them! When I go back to Malaysia or wherever, probably wouldn’t have the chance to see them as often and their memory of me might just fade, as kids one usually does. So, it has got to be a lasting memory, at least for me!
Their first christmas present they were allowed to open since mummy hasn’t come back from their night shift yet.

Paul tearing open his present from his Grandma!

Soo Yuen cheche explaining what some of the presents are.
There were a lot! LOTS AND LOTS of presents all strew across the bottom of the tree.
Duagou helped added my small pile into it as well!

And of course presents among the adults.

A Thankyou shout out for the presents I received, and hope u all like the presents I bought. Shall remember to buy a present for grandma jean the next time, especially when she’s so kind to drive me to parker’s piece.
so all in all, it was a lovely chirstmas with relatives! <3 Merry Christmas everybody and a Happy new year to come!

edit:
OMG! I knew I missed something very important!
of course! A big Thankyou to BiaoYi and Shien Yin for bringing over my stuff from Malaysia! hope you guys has a good stay over here and thanks for the tips. Feel so paiseh, didn’t really need to! I hope they had a nice Christmas while I was away too, and I’ve eaten two free dinners that they ‘belanja’ me, once in Zizzi’s and another it Masala Zone, both really good food, thankyou!

so much snow now.
Haha!

Original 壞了 by 張芸京
Cover by Jyi

大口的呼吸 像离了水的鱼
大步的离去 用我最后一丝力气
每阵风 每场雨
都加速爱情的凋零
散发出斑驳的气息
眼看爱
慢慢的腐败 慢慢的解散
慢慢沉入暗黑的深海
这个世界上什么东西不会坏

大口的呼吸 像离了水的鱼
大步的离去 用我最后一丝力气
每阵风 每场雨
都加速爱情的凋零
散发出斑驳的气息
都怪我
偏偏要去爱 偏偏要等待
偏偏幻想我会是例外
不管那时候爱得多不知好歹
坏了就该淘汰

明明我早就明白
明明我早就明白
明明我早就明白

都怪我
偏偏要去爱 偏偏要等待
偏偏幻想我会是例外
不管那时候爱得多不知好歹
坏了就该淘汰
坏了就该淘汰

But John Hopkins Medicinal Art has really high requirements to get in. And apparently some of the courses are taken alongside medicine students. And we all know that Medicine in US comes after you get a proper Bsc degree or something. I never wanted to involve in medicine, but I think that is where the job prospects (including cell molecular biology) are the greatest in these kind of fields. Who wants to demonstrate by illustration how dissecting an animal looks like? Nobody. Does scientists wants to know how does those protein structures actually looks like? Yes, they do. Of course patients going to undergo surgery might want to know how the operation procedure looks like, what are the doctors actually going to do? All these can be shown with art. It’s a real pity really, animals and plants are as interesting as humans. But if I aim at this direction, I get to do art (not that my art is really good) and I still get to be involved in science and contribute to the society in a good way. And best of all, there are computer graphics and animation involved. Check this out!

So currently, John Hopkins has the highest ranking in this field but there are other universities as well, mostly US, one in Canada, Uni. of Toronto. I’m not sure setting my aim to John Hopkins is a good idea or not, since I’m sure you’re suppose to get first class and all (it says there excellent grades) and out of 40-50 applicants they only accept 5-6, but I could always give it a try, and there are still other universities to fall back to.
Won’t be telling my parents my plans yet, because I’m still not sure myself, but it is an option. This plan, it is. I don’t even have any idea how am I going to support myself through this. But yes, it is a plan. Worse come to worse, I’ll just fall back to being a freelance scientific illustrators, it would be a poor life, really specialized field but not a bad life, who knows I might be happier than researching and working in the labs for the rest of my life? The thing is, I don’t really have a thinking mind, neither do I really like to, I don’t analyze much neither do I think critically. And I believe these are things essential to be a scientist, and you must want to do it. I can spend a whole day in front of the computer doing animation and not budging from the chair but I can’t do the same when I’m facing my books. I wonder really, I really wonder. Maybe I’m just giving myself excuses. I really wonder how my life might play out, will I be able to take the road not taken? It is yet, but just a dream.

I thank my cousin for encouraging me to dream. “This is the time of your life to dream big dreams, if not now, then when?” And dream I will.

from where wounds of guilt
no longer bleeds
where i can close my mind
ignore the imaginary forces
hammering down my soul

where is that joy?
that sprung out from the work
of not caring
what is not important
I thought I overcame
and again it haunts me

a reminder
an awakening
a knock on my head
that is not all I need

I once posted
“I hope I’ll one day be able to find something to suit my life and have the courage to take the road not taken.”
May I stay true to that and continue searching for the place and job I will not regret for the rest of my life.